I’ve finally completed what feels like a rite of passage at the ripe old age of 35 and got myself a driving license!
Unlike most people who get their driving license as soon as they turn 17, I waited until I was in my 30s to learn to drive because it just didn’t seem necessary until I became a parent. I did apply for my provisional license back in the 2002, and I think I even had 10 driving lessons, but when I realised it was going to be a long and expensive experience to get a license, I decided to spend my feeble Saturday job earnings on holidays and Topshop clothes instead.
Fast-forward 18 years and I’ve managed to travel the world and live in 3 different cities without the need for wheels, but since we moved back to the UK and set up shop in the suburbs my perspective has changed.
Learning to drive in your 30s
As we moved back to the UK quite late into my pregnancy and were busy finding a house and things, I decided to wait until after Miles was born to start my driving lessons.
I started this driving journey about a year ago, when Miles was 3 months old and I felt comfortable leaving him with Justin for a couple of hours on a Saturday to do 2-hour long driving lessons. It took a while for me to build up confidence to drive with Miles in the car, so I mostly learned by having these (expensive at £35 an hour!) lessons on the weekend when our schedules allowed it.
I had some big gaps in my lessons as we swanned off to New York for 2 months and then had a longer than anticipated trip to Australia and Singapore. Initially the goal was to get my license before we went to Australia but then we moved the trip dates, 3 times, and I ended up pushing the test date right back towards the end of the year just to make sure we’d be here.
I was all ready to give it a shot in December and then fate stepped in and my instructor unfortunately had a funeral on the day of my test. Due to the high demand, I had to wait another 6 weeks to get a new test date and when that test finally came around I promptly failed it.
This happened again 6 weeks later, until I finally passed third time around, just this week.
On failing your driving test. Twice
I don’t think I have ever experienced anything quite as frustrating as failing your driving test. If I’m honest, I always wondered why it took people several attempts to pass it. Surely, if you can drive, I thought, you can do so for a 40-minute test period? It turns out, however, that being under test conditions makes people do very stupid things. I should know, I fudged it twice. Spectacularly.
I was actually very confident going into my first test and, much to my own surprise, had felt that way since the start of my lessons. This might have had something to do with the fact I decided to take my lessons in an automatic vehicle and do away with the worry of learning about clutch control. I’ve only ever had to focus on the road and nailing the manoeuvres and I think my experience of learning to drive has been so much more positive because of it.
I know a lot of people feel restricted by just having an automatic license, but we have an electric car and, to be honest, I’ve gone all these years driving absolutely nothing, so I don’t think I’m going to be missing out on much by not being able to drive a manual now.
So, back to that first test, which felt like it had taken ages to come around and I was more than ready for it.
Straight off the bat I nailed the ‘show me, tell me’ questions and got my favourite manoeuvre of forward bay parking in the car park of Morrisons. The examiner set up the sat nav and I felt calm following its directions. Then, after lots of distracting chat, the dude asked me to pull over somewhere safe. And I panicked.
Of course, I’d pulled over lots of times during my lessons, but I’d always been told where to stop. I was completely thrown by the instruction to find somewhere safe on a busy road with parked cars either side, bus stops, junctions, double yellow lines, you get the picture. The examiner kept repeating the instruction so I knew I was taking too long to choose, and I just flapped, massively overthinking how close I could stop near a bend/bus/driveway etc. Eventually I chose a spot, stopped, panicked as I thought I was too close to someone’s driveway and decided to inch forward. I moved centimetres but I didn’t do any observations so immediately failed. I think the examiner was frustrated for me. He actually said, ‘why did you do that, you were fine where you were’. Doh.
Result: 2 minors and 1 big fat fail.
Next time around I was even more stupid.
Again, I nailed my questions and manoeuvres (this time it was parking on the right & reversing for 2 car lengths), survived my 20 mins of sat nav and then failed to stop for an old lady approaching a zebra crossing. I know, that’s like driving 101.
To be fair to me, the context of what was going on was that I was in slow moving traffic approaching a roundabout. The examiner is repeating ‘turn right at the roundabout, third exit,’ there is a bus parked on the zebra crossing and there are some shops where people are milling, including an old lady pushing a trolley bag. I’ve got my eyes on all these different things and for some reason decide to keep moving. The examiner tells me I should stop so I know immediately I’ve failed again.
Once again, I got 2 minors and a big fat fail.
This is the point where my confidence really wobbled. I had always felt like I was quite good on the road but after proving twice that I can be dumb under pressure I started to doubt myself. I began to worry that I wasn’t ready and the goal of getting a license seemed to be getting further away with every test.
My instructor was good enough to say otherwise. Rather than advocating for more lessons, he said my small minors indicated there was nothing I needed to work on with him, I just needed more private practise to get used to different driving conditions.
So, I got on the road with Justin and Miles when I could at the weekends but when test 3 comes around I think I’m more nervous than ever. I remind myself I don’t need to be the most perfect driver on the road, just a safe one.
I get the forward bay parking manoeuvre again and survive the 20 mins of sat nav, albeit by taking a 5 min diversion as the dude talked over the instructions and I missed the turn. Luckily, going off course is not a fail as long as you don’t do anything dangerous.
When it comes to the pulling over (you’re asked to pull over and pull away during your test, including normal stops at the side of the road, pulling out from behind a parked vehicle and a hill start) the first time I’m instructed to I’m on a hectic road and start to overthink it again.
The examiner (the same man as I had for my first test) decides to help me out a bit and reiterates to stop anywhere as long as its legal. He describes places to stop as gold, silver and bronze and he doesn’t mind which I do as long as I stop. Lol. I get the message and survive all 3 incidences.
This time, I get 3 minors – 1 for driving too slow, as I’m super cautious after misjudging the zebra crossing incident – but I don’t make any major cock ups. The examiner teases it out, asking if I think I made any major mistakes and I want to scream ‘You tell me mate. Now, please!‘
Thankfully it’s a pass and I think my instructor is as pleased as I am that he doesn’t have to sit through another car journey home from the test centre with me in tears next to him.
Getting a driving license at 35
A lot of people ask how I’ve gone this long without driving and honestly you can’t miss what you never had. I lived in major cities (with great public transport and hardly any parking!) from the age of 18 and even since moving back home to the UK and setting up in the suburbs, as we live in the centre of town, there are not many places I want to go that I can’t walk to.
There have been a handful of times I’ve missed out on work because of it. I recall at least 2 campaign opportunities with car companies I had to pass up on and a couple of press trips that involved a road trip, but I wouldn’t say not driving really effected my job prospects.
We’ve just bought a house on the outskirts of town though and, when that is ready, hopefully in May, I’m going to need a car to get virtually anywhere. I know as Miles gets older he’s going to need ferrying from play dates and sports clubs, already the number of soft play and toddler classes we can attend has opened right up. Having the deadline of the house move really helped with my motivation and kept me rebooking tests even when it felt like I was going to do foolish things under test conditions forever and ever. And ever. Amen.
I’m so pleased I finally got around to gaining myself this new kind of freedom. Even if that freedom means driving to a supermarket instead of getting a delivery this week.
This weekend I’m going to scope out buying my first ever pair of wheels. I’ve always wanted a Mini, but Justin is advocating for another electric car such as the Renault Zoe. For now, I’ll enjoy the newfound pleasure of driving the electric MG I share with Justin. Miles and I have already been on an adventure to Sainsbury’s.
How old were you when you learned to drive? Did you pass first time?
20 thoughts on “Learning To Drive At 35”
Huge congratulations Jayne! Having a car really does make like easier – even if it can make you a little lazier! I was 25 when I passed. I’d taken two tests at 17 and failed both spectacularly. Unfortunately my ex was very much of the “you don’t need a car, I will drive you anywhere you want to go, what the hell do you want independence for anyway” type, so I didn’t pursue it. Fast forward, eight years, he’s thankfully gone and I passed my test “first time, second time around”
Wow well done for taking it again and acing it first time. I’m excited to see what a difference it will make to our lives and have been so interested to hear everyone’s varied experiences.
I loved reading about your experience as I’m just learning to drive at the age of 36, in an automatic too! Similarly to you I never have really needed to before as I always had good public transport options. Plus I was a passenger in a serious RTA which really knocked my confidence to even consider trying. But now I’ve found myself in a situation where my parents need more support and my driving could really help with that so it’s been my motivation. I’m 12 hours in and going good so far 🙂
Congrats on getting started – that really is the hardest bit. Having gone so long without a license it’s crazy to think I now drive on a daily basis. But I love it. It really does change your life and I’m so glad I did it. Good luck on your journey. I’m sure you’ll do great x
Hi Jayne, I’m from the UK but live in Australia. I loved reading this post. I am actually 43 years old and I’ve decided this year to learn to drive. Last week I finished my 17th lesson with an instructor. I’m hoping to take my test, the first week in February 2021.
I have a full motorbike license, however back in 2013 I was hit by a 4×4 who failed to stop at a stop sign and went straight into me, as I was on my moped. I was commuting the short distance (17kms) to the train station to go to work in Sydney. I was 19 weeks pregnant at the time. I instinctively crossed my arms over my small bump upon impact (I had leather gloves with reinforced knuckles). The police and everyone said that my motherly instincts kicked in and saved my baby, as my gloves were completely destroyed (that would’ve been by bump). I ended up in ICU, both my baby and I nearly died 3 times. Several surgeries later and several years now – my son is now 7 and after being diagnosed with PTSD from my accident and many many counselling sessions, I decided to face my fear and learn to drive this year, except, nobody knows that I am doing it! – my fiancé nor my son, they have no idea whatsoever. I’m hoping to surprise everyone once I (hopefully!) pass my test! That being said, I have decided to do a treasure hunt on Christmas Day – I’m going to hide my L’s in the car and they will be the treasure. I can’t wait to see their faces! Honestly, just 2 years ago, I couldn’t have even said the sentence ‘ learn to drive’ without having an extreme panic attack.
I am LOVING my lessons. My instructor is amazing and she says I drive beautifully. Wish me luck!
Thank you again for this post, I honestly felt like I was the only adult on the planet who hadn’t learned to drive!
(I should add, it was me that has had several surgeries, not my son, he was perfect in every way!).
Oh my goodness. Sorry I’ve just found this message now and thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I can completely understand why getting behind the wheel must have been terrifying and can only imagine the anxiety that must have come with those first lessons. You’ve done an amazing job getting this far and getting your license will change your life – it has mine and there was nothing but fear and laziness stopping me from learning! Enjoy that treasure hunt at Christmas and best of luck with the test. You’ll be fine, you’re already a superhero with insane mummy instincts!
This story really helps motivate me. My mom doesn’t drive and is too scared so here I am, almost 30, and following in her same shoes. Except I have found myself repeatedly wishing/wanting a car and a license because I have had such hard times and knowing things would have been different if I had them. Now with a 4yo girl I really don’t want this to become some sort of generational thing because the one before us was too afraid to make that move. However I don’t even know where to start and my little city doesn’t offer a place for driving lessons. But now that I am more aware of people in the same situations as me and overcoming them, I feel like trying for that goal this year. So thank you and congratulations!
Hi Krystle, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I have had my license a year now and I can’t imagine life without it, which is strange as not so long ago I could never imagine myself driving! I think you will be surprised at how fast you can learn once you decide it’s what you want and confidence behind the wheel does increase eventually. I hope you can find a good instructor to guide you through the process. Best of luck, Jayne
Thank you for sharing this! I’m 38 and learning to drive this year. The line: “I remind myself I don’t need to be the most perfect driver on the road, just a safe one.” really helps me feel more at ease with the thought of driving.
I’m so glad you found this helpful! I know I’m never going to be a racing driver but I’ve been getting safely from A to B and that’s what matters right!! Best of luck with your lessons.
Congrats! I’m 36 and I will take some lessons next year. My hubby always says it’s too late to learn but I believe I can do.
It’s definitely not too late! I’ve been driving for over a year now and still can’t believe how easy it is. I think we can build it up to something big and scary but if fresh-faced teenagers can drive on the roads so can we! PS you may want to cheat like me and drive an automatic though – just to make life a little easier! Best of luck x
I really appreciate you detailing your experiences! I am 27 and have taken driving lessons and everything, but was just too afraid of taking the plunge of the actual test. Now, my learner’s permit has expired, and I’m having a heck of a time re-passing the test! I actually live in a rural state, with hardly any public transportation, I’ve just always dated men who like driving me around Lol But similar to you, I’ve been thinking of having kids and a license is just something I’d rather have beforehand. I’m so thankful to know I’m not the only woman that’s chosen to wait this long. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
You’ll get there Kayla, it sounds like you are so close to passing! It’s just that nerves can get the better of us in test conditions. Best of luck, I know you’ll have a license soon x
Great read! I’m 30 and even though I have passed my driving test when I was 20, I hardly never drove again. Living in a city with decent public transport made it feel like I didn’t need to. Now, thanks to the pandemic, I decided I should learn how to drive properly. I live in a big city, so driving here is a big challenge, but I think I’m doing fine. I’ve been taking classes with an instructor who helps people who have driving licenses but don’t feel comfortable driving and I think I’m quickly building the confidence I need. Oh, and in my country almost all cars are manual and there are hardly any electric cars, so learning how to deal with the godamn clutch is a must lol
I’m the same as you! Learned at 18, never drove again because I didn’t need to. But I’m just about to turn 30 and there’s more and more things I want to do in the world which need driving – I think I’m soon going to bite the bullet and just do it. I’m really nervous though!
I got my license at 31 but at 35, I haven’t driven since. I had a really terrible driving instructor experience and wish I had spoken up to get a different instructor. I’m wanting to get started again and trying to figure out what to do – perhaps calling another driving school to see if I can pay for some driving sessions to practice. I’ve been able to get away with carpooling, public transit, and taxis, but I’m ready for the freedom to come and go as I please!
I’m 34, always lived in a major city with great public transportation. I almost moved to NYC (swoon) but now it’s time to learn and I am anxious but like the previous ppl said. I don’t have to be the best driver just a safe one. No babies yet but I do want a pupster. Thanks for this it was necessary for me to see.
Thank you for this. I raised my siblings and in my teens money went to them rent etc . Then I got older no one wanted to teach me. Not until my spouse in 2016 but I still wasn’t ready until now at age 35. So I’m even taking paid lesson as well being active in asking to practice in parking lot etc. We have a seven year old daughter and she is my my main reason want to learn and be more confident. I passed my written test on second try. I’m nervous but this gives me hope. I take the drive test on the 8th of next month